Everybody's got a quirk—some oddball behavior that keeps us sane when life gets rough or unpredictable. For some, it's cooking after a long day. For others, it's binge-watching their favorite TV show. Or collecting very specific antiques, like comic books or old Planters tins.
For Natasha Pearl Hansen, it's covering her
naked bits with cheese slices.
Wait, she does what now?
Hansen is a comedienne and actress living in LA, and yes, she occasionally adorns her body in dairy products. Why exactly? We'll let her explain:
* * *
It all began in 1999, when I was but a teenager. Inspiration from an infamous scene in the film Varsity Blues had me sprinting through my friend’s living room in a whipped cream bikini. I always loved disrupting sleepovers with highly inappropriate and shocking pranks, mainly involving nudity.
The movie failed to mention that the melting properties of whipped cream were very rapid. Soon I would be full-on streaking, no coverage.
I rounded a corner into their craft room, where I nearly did a naked prat fall onto her very surprised mother. Not my finest moment, but it was the beginning of my lifelong obsession with dairy, nudity, and all things funny.
(Want to look better naked? Try
The Anarchy Workout. It scorches fat and sculpts a body anybody would be proud to cover in whipped cream.)
I was raised in the small town of Stoughton, Wisconsin. Population at the time was a whopping 15,000. Cows included. You could fit my entire town of humans into Yankee Stadium four times.
There wasn’t much for us to do growing up, so my friends and I made it our job to be creative. We worked on farms and sold produce on truck beds under tents during our summer days, and turned cornfields into beer-drinking fiestas at night. We turned barns into party sheds that only the finest minds could appreciate. We lost our virginity in 1970s campers parked next to cow pens on our grandparents’ farms.
In all this fun and games, two items were always prevalent at our boozy bonfires: brats and cheese. After all, this was Wisconsin. These were things we were famous for, and we loved living up to our stereotype. Can you imagine the kind of drunken body art those snacks could create? We did.
Today, I live in Los Angeles. It’s the furthest thing from a small town. There’s too much to do here.
People are a little more serious about themselves and competitive at a different level than they are in small-town America. Watching folks nosh quinoa has pushed me to be the antithesis of a salad eater, to become the pro-dairy mascot of this waif-bodied town.
And, I’m not above stripping down to an ensemble of cheese slices. Is it sexy? Who knows. But it reminds me of my roots, and why you should always be up for doing something ridiculous.
Life becoming too much to handle? Feeling pressured and stressed? Slap some cheddar on your naughty bits. Stop trying so hard to exude sex appeal and all those anxieties and insecurities will just melt away. You know why? Because you look like an insane person. And you can't be self-serious when you look like an insane person.
Drink a beer, eat a burger, and frolic naked covered in cheese. Because you’re awesome like that.
Boom. That’s how life is done. You’re welcome.
(Natasha Pearl Hansen is a stand-up comedian and actress living in Los Angeles. She began her comedy career at the world-famous Second City theater in Chicago in 2008. Since then, she's performed at top comedy festivals, tours the country (and later this year, Europe), and her act has been featured on FOX, NBC, and VH1. Her first TV pilot, ‘Assistants”—about three Hollywood assistants—has screened in multiple festivals in Los Angeles, and will hopefully be coming to a screen near you soon.)
Everybody's got a quirk—some oddball behavior that keeps us sane when life gets rough or unpredictable. For some, it's cooking after a long day. For others, it's binge-watching their favorite TV show. Or collecting very specific antiques, like comic books or old Planters tins.
For Natasha Pearl Hansen, it's covering her
naked bits with cheese slices.
Wait, she does what now?
Hansen is a comedienne and actress living in LA, and yes, she occasionally adorns her body in dairy products. Why exactly? We'll let her explain:
* * *
It all began in 1999, when I was but a teenager. Inspiration from an infamous scene in the film Varsity Blues had me sprinting through my friend’s living room in a whipped cream bikini. I always loved disrupting sleepovers with highly inappropriate and shocking pranks, mainly involving nudity.
The movie failed to mention that the melting properties of whipped cream were very rapid. Soon I would be full-on streaking, no coverage.
I rounded a corner into their craft room, where I nearly did a naked prat fall onto her very surprised mother. Not my finest moment, but it was the beginning of my lifelong obsession with dairy, nudity, and all things funny.
(Want to look better naked? Try
The Anarchy Workout. It scorches fat and sculpts a body anybody would be proud to cover in whipped cream.)
I was raised in the small town of Stoughton, Wisconsin. Population at the time was a whopping 15,000. Cows included. You could fit my entire town of humans into Yankee Stadium four times.
There wasn’t much for us to do growing up, so my friends and I made it our job to be creative. We worked on farms and sold produce on truck beds under tents during our summer days, and turned cornfields into beer-drinking fiestas at night. We turned barns into party sheds that only the finest minds could appreciate. We lost our virginity in 1970s campers parked next to cow pens on our grandparents’ farms.
In all this fun and games, two items were always prevalent at our boozy bonfires: brats and cheese. After all, this was Wisconsin. These were things we were famous for, and we loved living up to our stereotype. Can you imagine the kind of drunken body art those snacks could create? We did.
Today, I live in Los Angeles. It’s the furthest thing from a small town. There’s too much to do here.
People are a little more serious about themselves and competitive at a different level than they are in small-town America. Watching folks nosh quinoa has pushed me to be the antithesis of a salad eater, to become the pro-dairy mascot of this waif-bodied town.
And, I’m not above stripping down to an ensemble of cheese slices. Is it sexy? Who knows. But it reminds me of my roots, and why you should always be up for doing something ridiculous.
Life becoming too much to handle? Feeling pressured and stressed? Slap some cheddar on your naughty bits. Stop trying so hard to exude sex appeal and all those anxieties and insecurities will just melt away. You know why? Because you look like an insane person. And you can't be self-serious when you look like an insane person.
Drink a beer, eat a burger, and frolic naked covered in cheese. Because you’re awesome like that.
Boom. That’s how life is done. You’re welcome.
(Natasha Pearl Hansen is a stand-up comedian and actress living in Los Angeles. She began her comedy career at the world-famous Second City theater in Chicago in 2008. Since then, she's performed at top comedy festivals, tours the country (and later this year, Europe), and her act has been featured on FOX, NBC, and VH1. Her first TV pilot, ‘Assistants”—about three Hollywood assistants—has screened in multiple festivals in Los Angeles, and will hopefully be coming to a screen near you soon.)
Posted at November 24, 2017 | by
Unknown
/64.jpg)
/65.jpg)
